This book isn't going to condemn you for your addiction, point a finger and tell you your faith isn't strong enough, blame it on your parents, your spouse, even your friends. This book was written to share the stories of men and women who found a pathway out of a network of defeats.
The characters in the stories are real, the circumstances are real, their defeats and final victories are very real. The desire they have to share their stories to help you are real. This book was written to convey their experiences so that someone who "has a tiger by the tail" can realize they can let go!
Perhaps as you read you will find you can identify with someone's passage through a similar addiction and how they found a way out to happiness. You see, you aren't alone. There are others who have taken the same path you're on. There are those who feel as you feel, fight shadows as you do, and win or lose daily battles.
You are never alone; there are others that have the same addiction you have and there are organizations in the land created to help you beat the problem. The chapter "People Who Help" lists organizations, telephone numbers, and addresses. If you need assistance, pick up the phone and call. The voice on the phone, more than likely, will belong to a person who has had the same problems you have and can understand everything you are going through!
Take a chance. Take a breath. Realize that You Aren't Alone: The Voices of Addiction was written for you.
Table of Contents
1. Pornography: "Just a Little Was Not Enough"
2. Masturbation: "Why Me, God? Why Me?"
3. Drugs: "I Thought He Loved Me"
4. Gambling: "Maybe Tomorrow Will Be My Lucky Day"
5. Eating: "I'll Start My Diet Tomorrow"
6. Gossiping: "It Was Always for Their Own Good"
7. Religion: "Only God Can Hear the Heart"
8. Shopping: "I Sold My Soul for a Sale"
9. Drinking: "Fill It up Again, Sam"
10. Work: "Never Enough"
11. Internet: "I'm Doing My Homework"
12. Medications: "Me Hooked? You Gotta Be Kidding!"
13. People Who Help
14. History of Addictions
15. Psychological, Social, and Medical Problems Attributed to Addictions
It was then I started learning to use the computer to do homework schedules and lesson plans. It was also there I started watching a few pictures that would flash up on the screen of naked women and men doing things that at first I deleted quickly. There came a time I didn't delete it quite as quickly as I once had, and then I started searching for other places to watch and be aroused by what I saw. My excuse was to make our love life more exciting and maybe get us pregnant. That was my excuse for over a year!
But then I didn't even bother telling myself why I was into pornography, or why I was corresponding with a woman I met one day on the computer who also was into those very things I was watching. She called herself Alicia. I suppose that was a made-up name because I signed myself Roland and was very careful not to let Ashley see what I was doing. Ashley was shy of using the computer so for awhile I was safe on that score. When Ashley went to bed and I knew she was asleep I would go into the guest room where the computer was and get on the internet and talk for hours to Alicia. I watched pictures and actions of naked people doing things that turned me on, that even sent me wheeling into the bathroom to clean up.
Little by little I got my satisfaction through pornography and corresponding with Alicia. Making love to Ashley became really boring and we seldom ever touched each other. Eventually we even got twin beds. I told my silent wife I was having trouble sleeping at night; it was a made-up excuse for the guest room and the bed in there. One day when I came home there were twin beds in our bedroom, neither of us mentioned it. We lived in the same house quite apart. Ashley would walk past me and never even look at me, and when she did there was a look in her eyes that had no depth, she really wasn't seeing me even though she was looking at me.
It was over a year later that I made an appointment to meet Alicia at a restaurant in Medford. She lived in Grants Pass and said she would drive over to meet me. She was single and was in real estate so she could schedule her own time. We planned to meet on Friday afternoon. I had a shorter day on Friday, Ashley didn't.
I told Ashley I had a game to go to in Medford and would be gone during the afternoon. She didn't say a thing, just picked up her school material and went out the door. We seldom talked except to cover the necessary things of two people living in the same house. I often wondered what she thought but was too uninterested to ask. My thoughts were wrapped around the excitement of what I saw and how it made me feel and now my actual meeting with a girl who would really take care of me the right way.
Blue Dolphin Publishing, 2006
Other books by Peggy Kirk, PTh.D.
You Aren't Alone: The Voices of Abortion
You Aren't Alone: The Voices of Homosexuality
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